Guinness scientists make major breakthrough on Corona-virus vaccine

Breaking News:

Alcohol scientists embedded deep in the barrel of the Guinness brewery at St James Gate in Dublin 8 have made a massive breakthrough in developing an anti-dote for the corona-virus. Guinness held an international press briefing at it’s marquee Gravity Bar this evening to announce details of their discovery.

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Early on Sunday morning scientists in the company’s porter division made the startling quantum leap while testing 8 Guinness pigs that were injected with the highly contagious corona-virus.

Chemists administered the virus at 11 pm on Saturday evening and sent the test cases off to Copper Face Jacks on strict instructions to drink 6 pints of their traditional porter product, Guinness.

The highly controversial move drew criticism from public health officials admonishing the company for placing the general public at risk. However at 11:34 am on Sunday morning the experiment paid dividends and the fever broke.

Test case number 1 – known only as Porter Shite A – had a 15 minute dump in a highly sterilised environment but within 50 feet of the other 7 test subjects. As suspected the porter shite aroma killed all traces of the killer virus. An Garda Siochana have issued a plea to all patrons of Copper Face Jacks that may have been exposed to the virus on Saturday night to form an orderly queue outside St James Gate.

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A member of the Washington Post enquired about possible side effects of the radical anti-venum.

” Apart from a short, intense reddening of the arse – Test cases are showing no side effects. We are hopeful to have the bottling plant at full capacity inside of 24 hours and start shipping worldwide shortly thereafter “

Branded as Proper Porter Shite No.1 – it can be administered as an aftershave ‘Eau de Jacks’ or in a starter micro farting 6 pack for 24.99.


 

 Combat Arena – Information appearing in Combat Arena Satire section is entirely satirical and is not to be taken as in anyway factual.

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